My gosh, look at that guy. He's a mountain!
[Bell Rings]
And after I'm a woman,Jean-Claude and I are going to be married.
- I'm going to be a June bride. - He's a monster.
Can you imagine what that guy would look like in a movie?
[Grunting]
Yeah, yeah! Yeah!
Mmm. More neck.
- Mr Johnson, congratulations on your victory. - Thank you.
- Did you bring my water? - No, I'm not the water boy.
I'm a movie director.
- Movies? Like the Mickey Mouse? - Sure.
- I'll get you next week! - Yeah, right. In your dreams!
Tor... Uh, Mr Johnson.
- You ever fancy the notion of becoming an actor? - Not good-looking enough.
Well, I think you're quite handsome.
Do my toes.
So, anyway, I've got this new script, Bride Ofi The Atom.
And there's a part I believe you're ideal for.
Lobo. He's tough, he's a brute.
But he's got a good heart. At the end of the picture, he saves the girl.
[Chuckles] I like! When do movie shoot?
Hopefully, very soon.
I'm just waiting for the final okay from my good pal at Warners, Mr Feldman.
[Ringing]
- Wood Productions. - Eddie, help me.
- Bela? - Eddie, please come over.
Bela?
Bela!
[Dogs Whimpering]
Bela!
Bela? What happened?
[Weakly] Eddie.
I didn't feel well.
- Come on, let me get you to the hospital. - No hospital.
Just take me to the couch.
- Should I call a doctor? - No.
This happens all the time.
Is there anything I can get for you? Water or a blanket?
Goulash.
I don't know how to make goulash.
Bela, what's in the needle?
Morphine.
With a Demerol chaser.
Oh, Eddie. Eddie, I'm so broke.
I don't know what I'm going to do. [Sobbing]
Don't worry, Bela.
I won't let you down.
Mr Feldman? Ed Wood.
Yeah, listen, I haven't been able to get through, so I just showed up.
Yeah! Right out front.
So, we gonna be working together?
Really? Worst film you ever saw.
Well, my next one will be better.
Hello. Hello.
[Sighs] I'm no good.
Oh, Ed, it was just one man's opinion.
Bela needs a job. I can't even get a film going.
Of course I can't. I made the worst movie of all time.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
All I wanna do is tell stories.
The things that I find interesting.
Well, maybe you're not studio kind of material.
Maybe you just need to raise the money yourself.
The movie is called Bride Ofi The Atom.
It will star Bela Lugosi.
There are quarter shares available at $ 1 5,000 each.
Yes, that's right. The Bela Lugosi.
He's still alive.
Huh? Is he available Friday night?
Well, gee, I suppose so. Why?
- [Laughter] - "Greetings, I am the Count."
"Greetings, I am Slick Slomopavitz, Seeker of Adventure.
"Audience laughs, applauds. 'Say, that's a kooky place to sleep."'
- "It is my home." - "'Oh, tract housing, huh?' Laugh.
- You need a new real estate agent." - [Applause]
"I beg to differ.
This casket incap... incarpertate..."
No, Bela, that's "incorporates."
Look, why don't you just say, "This casket has..."
How do they expect a Hungarian to pronounce this dialogue?
This... This live television is madness!
Furthermore, I predict...
by April 1 9, 1 9 70...
I predict... men will have colonized Mars.
Millions of people will live there.
Wow! Ain't that somethin'?
And now we take you to a castle in Transylvania.
Watch out. The landlord's a real pain in the neck.
[Organ playing Bach's Toccata And Fugue In D Minor]
Greetings! I am the Count!
Greetings, pal! I'm Slick Slomopavitz, Seeker of Adventure!
- [Audience Laughing] - Hey, what a kooky place to sleep.
Kind of reminds me of my house. What a dump!
Some places got a Murphy bed; this place got a Murphy shower.
I still don't know where to hang the towels.
I beg to differ.
Beg to differ? A bloodsucker, right? I'm talkin' about my towels.
[Clears Throat]
Greetings! I... am the Count.
- Damn! - [Band]
[Angry Muttering]
A bum is what he is. I told you we should've got Karloff!
- Ah, don't worry about it, Bela. You're better than all this. - I never said I could ad-lib.
- Forget it! We'll make our own movie and you'll be a big star again. - Aha!
Mr Lugosi, it is an unparalleled privilege to meet you, sir.
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Criswell.
It's a pleasure.
Ahh, cheer up. Don't lose heart over what happened tonight.
I predict... your next project will be an outstanding success!
Wow!
And who may you be?
- Edward D. Wood,Jr. - Ahh!
- The director of Glen Or Glenda? - How'd you know?
I am Criswell. I know all.
- [Latin] - [Criswell, Faint]
- [Continues] - And bingo! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Bring me two more Beefeater martinis.
Ed, uh, another whisky.
Dagmar, a rum and coke?
Moustapha and King are Chablis.
Bela, would you like a wine?
No. I never drink... wine.
[Laughing]
Say, Cris, how'd you know we'd be living on Mars by 1 9 70?
- I guessed. - Really?
I made it up.
It's horse shit.
Eddie, there's no such thing as a psychic.
People believe my folderol because I wear a black tuxedo.
- It's that easy? - Eddie, we're in show biz.
It's all about razzle-dazzle, appearances.
If you look good and you talk well, people will swallow anything.
We are going to have the most terrifying monster ever seen on film.
A ghastly creature created from an atomic mutation!
I don't like scary movies.
I like the ones with love stories.
That's just what this movie is: a heartbreaking romance.
You're quite a specimen.
- And you're going to be in the picture? - Yeah. I play Lobo.
I predict Bride Ofi The Atom will be the biggest moneymaker of all time.
And this is lovely starlet Dolores Fuller, who will play Janet Lawton.
My pleasure, ma'am. Now, how much will this picture cost?
Well, in a normal studio it'd be about a million bucks...
with all their wasteful overhead and fancy offices.
But we're more efficient, so we could bring it in at about 70 grand.
Oh. Well, I shall certainly consider it.
- [Ed] Well, goodbye. - [Man] Good night, Ed. Keep in touch.
Goodbye.
Well, Eddie, how'd we do?
We didn't make a nickel.
[Woman] I cannot believe I'm in Hollywood.
- You know, Daddy didn't want me to move out here. - [Bartender] Uh-huh.
Ma'am, your bill comes to $ 2.20.
Oh. Uh, okay. I hope you don't mind...
but all I have is a fiifty; I just came firom my banker's.
- That's all right. - Thank you.
Excuse me. You just moved here?
Yes. Hollywood is, oh, so exciting.
- Isn't it? - [Giggles]
Pleased to make your acquaintance. I'm Loretta King.
Edward D. Wood,Jr.
- [Bartender] Hi. Would you like some water? - No!
No water. No liquids.
I'm terribly allergic to them.
You know, I work in Hollywood. I'm a producer.
Really? Wow!
I would love to be involved in that.
Is that right? Well, maybe I can help you out.
Have you ever thought about investing in a motion picture?
Perhaps a small amount of money. How much do your motion pictures cost?
Well, my new one, I think, would be about $60,000.
That's all? That seems very reasonable for an entire picture.
[Chuckles]
Would you... Would you like to, uh...
- have a look at the... at the photoplay? - Oh, sure.
Oh, my.
This is very interesting.
Say, do you think it would be possible for me to maybe play one of these parts?
Oh, you want to be an actress too. Well, of course.
There's a couple of parts I can think of right now that you might be perfect for.
There's, uh, the secretary in the newspaper office, the file clerk, um...
Hmm. Those sound kind of small.
Here's one that looks good... Janet Lawton.
I'd sure like to play her.
-Janet Lawton. - Yes.
Janet Lawton is clearly the part to play.
Can't you just see me in the part?
Yes!
You'd be perfect.
You bastard!
You two-timing, dress-wearing son of a bitch!
Honey, it was the only way I could get the movie made!
Who do you think's been paying the rent?
Who's been helping you type your scripts and do all your grunt work?
- I am sorry! What did you want me to say? - You were supposed to say...
"No. I wrote that part for my girlfriend Dolores!"
Snowball, there are plenty of other parts.
Like what?
- The secretary, the file clerk. - Aaaaah!
You... asshole!
This is gonna be Bela's laboratory, so it should be real impressive...
just like one of those "Mad Scientist" movies.
I want test tubes, beakers and one of those electrical things that buzzes.
- You mean a Tesla coil? - Fine. Whatever. Hop to it!
Right! Right.
- Eddie? - Yes?
- Which dress do you like better? - Hmm. I don't know.
Say, Bill, which dress works better for you, the red one or the green one?
- Which one is the red one? - What do you mean?
I mean, I can't see the difference; I'm colour blind.
But I kinda like the dark grey one.
At Universal, we used to shoot one or two scenes a day.
But Eddie can knock off twenty, thirty.
- He's incredible! - [Ed] And... action!
Okay, you're Dr Eric Vornoff...
and you're upset.
You've worked very hard on this experiment and you don't want to see it fail.
N-No, you're not that upset.
You wanna keep moving. You wanna go through that door.
And... cut! Beautiful.
Print it. Let's move immediately to scene 52.
- Tor, you in place? - [Tor] Yeah.
- Great. Roll camera! - Rolling. Slate.
- Cue rainstorm. - [Water Dripping]
And... action, Tor.
Okay. You're Lobo.
You're upset.
You've worked very hard helping Dr Vornoff with this experiment.
You don't wanna see it fail.
No, no. You're not that upset.
You wanna keep moving. You've got to get through that door.
And cut! Perfect!
- Print it. Let's move on. - Don't you wanna do another take, Ed?
Looks like big baldy had a little trouble gettin' through the door.
No, it's fine. It's real.
You know, in actuality, Lobo would have to struggle with that problem every day.
All right, people, let's get ready. Actors! I must have my actors!
There you are. Loretta, Tor, I wanna explain this scene; it's a little complicated, but...
- Bela, you'll be sitting there. Okay? - [Electricity Buzzing]
I'm not getting near that goddam thing.
- One of them burned me on The Return Ofi Chandu. - All right.
- Then you'll be sitting there. - Good.
Great. All right, gang, here's the scene.
Loretta, you're in a trance; you glide in and get on the operating table.
Now, Tor, you're supposed to tie her down, but you have an angora fetish...
and when you rub that swatch of angora, it makes you refuse.
So then Bela has to discipline you. All right? Great! Let's do it!
Action!
Strap her to the table.
Do as I command you!
- I'll teach you to disobey me! - Aaaargh!
- You will obey! - Uhhhh!
- Strap her in! - Uhhhh!
Strap her in! I command you!
- Wood! Your cheque bounced. - I'll get you the money later.
- No, I need it now. - [Bela] I'll teach you to disobey me!
Cut!
I am terribly sorry to bother you while you're shooting...
but the guy that owns the stage needs his money.
Well, then, you should pay him, shouldn't you?
Yes. Exactly.
I kind of need it now.
W-What are you looking at me like that for?
I already gave you my three hundred.
Right.
And now I need the other sixty thousand.
What other sixty thousand?
The other sixty thousand you said you'd give to me.
You misunderstood, Eddie.
I gave you everything I have in the world... three hundred dollars.
Well, here we go again.
[Ed] Let me tell ya, ya can't lose.
It's scary. And if you don't like that, it's romantic.
Bela Lugosi will portray Dr Eric Vornoff.
And lovely, lovely, lovely ingenue Loretta King...
is reporter Janet Lawton.
- I don't know. Lugosi looks pretty old. - Huh?
Which role does Vampira play?
Vampira? Why do you ask?
She's standing right over there.
Well, she plays...
Excuse me one minute.
- [Woman Laughing] - Pardon me. Miss Vampira?
-Yes? - You don't know me, but I'm Ed Wood.
I'm a film producer and I'm currently in production on a science fiction piece...
with Bela Lugosi and Swedish wrestler Tor Johnson.
I don't understand. Do you want my autograph?
No.
No, l... I think my film is perfect for you.
Want me to show it on my TV programme. I have nothing to do with that.
- You should call the station manager at Channel 7. - No, no. No, no, no, no.
I don't want you to show the movie, I want you to be in it. Let me explain.
We started shooting, but after three days we got shut down.
Now we're having a backers party to raise some more money.
So I thought perhaps you'd like to come over just to say "howdy" to some of the backers.
Look, I'm with some friends and we're about to eat.
Please! It would just take one second.
Come over and meet the backers. There is a really nice dentist firom Oxnard.
Look, buddy, I've got real offers from real studios.
I don't need to blow some dentist for a part. Forget it.
Miss Vampira!
- Please. - Ohh! Let's go.
I'm getting a bad feeling about this. Let's get out of here.
Yeah, I think you're right.
Thank you, folks, for comin' tonight, but we better go.
And then Dr Vornoff falls into the pit...
and his own octopus attacks and eats him.
- The end. - Whew!
- Well, that's quite a story. - Yes.
So, uh, you made the movie...
and now you wanna make it again?
No.
We shot ten minutes of the movie, and now we're looking for completion funds.
Oh, son, you're too vague.
- [Machine Starting, Whirring] - Billy Bob!
You're cuttin' 'em too lean.
Mr McCoy.
- How can I make you happy? - [Spits]
Okay.
Two things.
Number one: I want the movie to end with a big explosion.
Sky full of smoke.
Yes.
But it ends with Dr Vornoff falling into the pit.
Not any more.
Number two.
I got a son.
He's a little slow, but a good boy.
And somethin' tells me he'd make a helluva leadin' man.
Sounds perfect.
This is unbelievable.
I woulda bet a million bucks that Ed wouldn't finish this picture.
Yeah, well, it ain't finished yet, kid; anything can happen.
Stay out of scratching distance.
- Poodle, you made it. I wasn't sure you got my message. - Well, of course I made it.
- Today's the file clerk's big scene. - That's right.
I see the usual gang of misfits and dope addicts are here.
- [Man] Janet, I want you... - Say, who's the lug?
Str... I want you staying away from the old Willows place.
Why, that's Tony McCoy. He will be portraying Lieutenant Dick Craig.
- [Tony Continues Fumbling Lines] - Really.
- How much money did he put up? - None. But his dad gave me fifty grand.
Hmm. Wood Productions, the mark of quality.
Listen, the movie's getting made; that's all that matters.
- Hello, Harry. - Oh, hi, Dolores.
Oh! You're Dolores.
I've heard so much about you.
I'm Loretta King. Oh, here, take the chair.
Oh, don't be silly. Let Harry finish.
You still need some more work.
No. I'm finished.
- All I needed was a touch-up. - Hmm. That mole still shows.
Uh, ladies! You both look fine.
Why don't we talk about the scene?
Okay,Janet Lawton has just discovered...
that Dr Vornoff bought the old Willows estate...
so now she wants to prove that all the monster stories are true.
Well, Eddie, what's my motivation?
You're the file clerk. You're running into the next room and bump into Janet.
What is our relationship? Are we good friends, or is she just a casual acquaintance?
Dolores, I have five days to complete this picture.
Don't get goofy on me.
Action!
- Hi,Janet. - Oh, hi, Marge.
-Janet, still on the monster hunt? - What do you think?
I think the boss has been looking for you all day.
Something about the police wanting those monster stories 86'd.
- You've got the whole town in a panic. - I can't hear you.
- I said, you've got the who... - I know what you said, but I can't hear you.
I get it. See ya later.
And... cut! That was perfect.
Of course it was.
Bra-vo! Bravo!
- Magnifiico. - Cris, you made it. Thanks a lot.
Naturally. Always happy to help with a little larceny.
All right, everybody, that's it for today.
The prop crew has a little errand to run. Paul. Connie.
Darn. I thought they kept this open.
[Tor] Lobo will fiix.
Good boy.
- [Connie] Wow! - [paul] This place gives me the creeps.
- Let's get the hell outta here. - Not so fast. Not 'til we get it down.
There it is. paul, go unhook it.
Right.
Fantastic.
It's beautifiul.
- You sure this is gonna work? - Yes.
- [Creaking] - You sure?
[Ed] Yes, hurry. Do it.
[Criswell] My God!
We killed him.
Tor?
Better than wrestling.
Lights!
[Tony, Reading] "Now, Janet, I want you stayin'away...
"firom that old Willows place. I want...
"Now,Janet, I w...
- Great. - "I want you...
- Connie! - I want you staying away..."
- The octopus has to live in the lake. - This is kind of a stream.
No! It has to be underwater.
Let me look at this. Okay.
Go set up by the lake.
Eddie. I'm so tired.
I don't know if I can handle a night shoot.
- Nonsense. You look great. - [Sighs]
All right, look.
Why don't you have a nice nap and we'll shoot around you a little while.
- Thanks, buddy. - You're welcome.
All right, you kids.
Hey, this is looking fantastic!
Paul, where's the octopus motor?
- What octopus motor? - To make his legs move.
Don't blame me! You didn't say anything about a motor when I was on the ceiling!
What's he talking...
Paul lost the octopus motor.
All right, let's shoot this fucker.
Great.
Where do I go?
- You'll be fighting with the octopus. - Out there?
- Yes. - What happened to the stream?
Well, this is gonna look a lot better.
We have to match it to the stock footage of the octopus underwater.
Aw, for Christ's sake.
Ehh.
- Goddam, it's cold! - It'll warm up once you're in it.
Fuck you! You come out here!
Hey! Throw me that whisky!
Ahh. How do you turn this on?
Well... somebody misplaced the octopus motor...
so when you get in there and fight with him, shake his legs around.
Looks like he's killin' ya. Okay.
[Sighs]
You know I turned down Frankenstein?
- What? - After I did Dracula...
the studio offered me Frankenstein, but I turned it down.
part wasn't sexy enough.
Too degrading for a big star like me.
Bela... I have 25 scenes to shoot tonight.
Oh. Sorry. Don't let me slow you down.
Okay. All right.
[Ed] All right.
All right, let's put it on film!
- [Ed] Camera! - [Bill] We're rolling!
- Sound! - Ed, we don't have sound.
Oh.
And... action!
[Screaming]
[Screaming Continues]
And... cut!
That was perfect!
[Ed] Come on! Come on, troops!
Have a nice cup o' joe, you'll feel much better.
All right. All right, Harry.
Mr Wood? I only got one hour of sleep last night.
Yeah, well, I got no sleep, and I feel great. Go get' em, kid, go get 'em.
- I'm gettin' too old for this. - Great work, Bill.
Go ahead. Go get 'em.
Be careful. Don't hurt him.
Don't scratch the tentacles.
Bela...
I wanna thank you again for last night.
That's fine, Eddie. All in the line of duty.
No, no, I want you to know how much I appreciate all you've done for me.
A great man like yourself shouldn't have to be wandering through the muck at 4:00 a.m.
Well, there are not a lot of fellas I'd do it for. [Chuckles]
Say, I wrote something special for ya.
I got to thinkin' about all the sacrifices you've made and l...
Well, I wrote you a...
a new final speech.
Well, this is quite a scene, Eddie.
I know it's a lot to give you at the last minute, Bela, but...
These lines...
I'll have no problem remembering.
Great.
All right, kids, let's knock 'em dead.
My dear Professor Strowski...
twenty years ago I was banned from my homeland.
I was classed as a madman, a charlatan.
Outlawed in the world ofi science...
which previously honoured me as a genius.
Now here...
in this forsaken jungle hell...
I have proven that I am all right!
Yes!
The authorities have learned how correct your findings were.
So I am here...
to bring you home.
Home?
I have no home.
Hunted.
Despised.
Living like an animal.
The jungle is my home.
But I shall show the world...
that I can be its master!
I shall perfect my own race of people...
a race of atomic supermen...
that will conquer the world!
[Sinister Laughter]
Cut.
That's a wrap.
[Samba]
Glen Or Glenda? Now, that was a hell of a picture.
Yeah, but this new one is gonna be a million times better.
Is that possible?
¢Ü¢Ü ["Que Sera Sera"]
Mr Bunny, what's wrong?
I heard you were becoming a lady.
Oh, that.
Mexico...
was...
a nightmare.
We got into a car accident; he was killed.
Our luggage...
was stolen.
The surgeon turned out to be...
a quack.
If it hadn't been for these men...
I don't know...
how I would've...
survived.
- [Rapid Drums] - [people Screaming, Laughing]
[Drums Continue]
¢Ü¢Ü [Organ: East Indian Theme]
[Cheering, Applause]
Oh, wow!
[Continues]
¢Ü¢Ü [Finishes]
You people are insane!
You're wasting your lives making shit!
Nobody cares! These movies are terrible!
Dolores!
Ed, it's over. I need a normal life.
- Did you really mean those things you sa... - I'm tired of living like this.
- But, Poodle... - I just stuck it out so you could finish your movie...
and now that's it's done, so am I.
[Vampira On TV] Ooh, that was so scary, it gave me goose bumps.
[Goose Honking]
No, dummy, I didn't say "goose," I said "goose bumps."
Well, be sure to join me next week for The Mummy's Curse.
Until then, pleasant nightmares.
- [Blows Kiss] - [Theme]
[Continues]
- [Floor Director] Okay, fiolks, we're ofifi the air. - [Man] That was a good show.
God, this show needs better jokes.
- You got a phone call. - Who is it?
I don't know.
- Hello. - Vampira? Ed Wood here.
- Who? - Ed Wood.
-Remember, I met you at the Brown Derby? -Oh, yeah, you.
Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime, grab some dinner maybe.
- You mean a date? I thought you were a fag. - No, I'm just a transvestite.
So, how's about Friday night?
Look, you seem like a nice guy, but you're just not my type.
But keep in touch. Let me know when your movie opens.
[TV] [Test pattern Tone]
- [Rings] - Hello?
Eddie, help me.
Bela?
[Sighs]
- [Dog Barking] - Bela.
[Dog Whines]
- [Knocking] - Bela!
What do you want?
You called me. Remember?
What are you doing, Bela?
I'm going to kill myself.
- [Whining] - My gosh, what happened?
[Bela Groans]
[Wheezing] Eddie.
[Panting]
I got a letter from the government.
They're cancelling my...
unemployment.
It's all I've got.
Without it, I can't pay the rent.
Don't you have any savings?
Eddie, I'm obsolete.
I have nothing to live for.
Tonight, I shall die.
Eddie!
- You should come with me. - [Hammer Cocks]
- I don't think that's such a good idea. - It's a wonderful idea.
It'll be wonderful! We'll be at peace!
In the afterlife, you don't have to worry about finding work.
Bela...
I'm on your side.
Gimme the gun.
If you give me the gun...
I'll make you a drink.
What are you drinking, Bela?
Formaldehyde.
Straight up, or on the rocks?
Eddie.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Don't worry, Bela.
- I'm sorry, Eddie. [Sobbing] - Everything will be okay.
[Gasps] Oh, my goodness, you gave me the willies!
You look like that Dracula guy.
My name is Bela Lugosi...
and I wish to commit myself.
For what reason?
I have been a drug addict for twenty years.
I need help.
[Bela Screaming]
[Screaming Continues]
Is that angora?
Um, yes.
Don't you think angora has a tactile sensuality...
lacking in all other clothing?
Yeah, I suppose.
It is awfully expensive.
Well, it's made from specially-bred rabbits...
that live in the Himalayas.
Say, what are you, an angora wholesaler?
No.
I'm in pictures.
I'm a director, writer, actor and producer.
Aw, come on. Nobody does all that.
Oh, yes, they do. Two people.
Orson Welles and me.
Wow.
- Whatcha makin'? - Booties. For my father.
- Gets cold in the hospital. - Mmm.
- Has he been here long? - This is my thirteenth pair.
- [Door Closes] - Excuse me.
Excuse me, Doctor.
I'm with Mr Lugosi. How is he?
Well, there's a lot of junk in his system for such an old man.
Apparently he was addicted to morphine.
He tried to kick that and he got readdicted to methadone.
- Is he gonna be okay? - We'll do our best.
- Hi, Lillian. - Oh, hi, Ed. He's got a lot of visitors today.
- He does? - Mm-hmm.
- [Reporters Talking] - [Reporter] Smile. That's it!
- [Ed] Hey! Hey! - One more picture, sir?
- Do the doctors say you're gonna get outta here? - [Ed] Freaks!
Get outta here! Get outta here!
What is wrong with you people? Come on, trash barrel!
[Reporter] Hey!
Bela, what happened?
Eddie, why did you chase them?
After all these years, the press is finally interested again in Bela Lugosi.
Bela...
those people are parasites; they just wanna exploit you.